Sunday, the 16th day of October in the year 2005

Mitscherlich forgets her place. Our true Secundus in all but name, she presumes to psycho-analyze me as though I am some pet of hers. As though, I am some rat in a cage for her to figure out. I am not so needy as to necessitate her words of wisdom. To 'let go' as she says. To cease being so proper and stiff. She thinks it puts things at risk. No, it doesn't. I indulged a little then. Her continual prattle about it all resulted in Mitscherlich upon the floor in a crumpled heap. She hoped that me 'lashing out' was worth it. But, I do not think she understands that if I did what she would have me; that she would be in far more danger than she recognizes.

And no amount of convincing me that it isn't worth it; would help her.

Does she so wish her own destruction?

Of course, tonight it was harder than ever to keep my desires and my wants under-wraps. It was harder to keep control and to not give into the whispers that spoke of the temptation of my baser instincts. How tempting it is compared to the banality of my every night existence. It spoke of my desire to remain and count the seconds until I would find Ursula again. Of my desire to take her wrists and smell the vitae that surfaced just under her skin.

Blood the type I've never had before. Sweet, the nuances lurking in the blood were different. Were they simple emotions pent up for seventy years? It was hot with it's own emotion. Like springtime at night, under the star-dappled sky. The scent of her, intermixed with the blood when my nose ran against her nose? Like grasses and first spring flowers. I can remember it all. I can wax lyrical for hours. The Ven suggest that one could taste the differences in the blood. Nuances and flavors. Complexities. I thought they were full of themselves until last night. I felt ... alive. I felt things I cannot explain.

And then this too passed, and I returned to normality. That normality full of banality, emptiness. A hollowness that I cannot explain. Since it hit me, I've been staring out of a window.