Tuesday, the 15th day of November in the year 2005

I am concerned for our half-member. The little Spider Lily works on her own, there is very little in the way of communication from that one. I fear, then, that she's become enamored with one of the people that have been pinpointed as one of the reasons Die Herren were even sent back to Vienna. To the place of my death, birth, and resurrection. For an elder, he knows not how to be one. I believe, he simply wishes to insult the members of Die Herren by incorrectly using titles. Incorrectly adhering to basic protocol. We can ignore them. But our little Spider Lily needs to be adjusted if there is to be a coterie working in a unit.

The Snake, is also rather concerned about it; bringing it up of her own volition tonight. I suppose, it will be her who speaks to her in the end. It concerns me. I would only expect two Succubi to understand one another. In any case, the Snake has a pupil. Pulling that one away from individuals who would only be a bad influence upon her, in any case. I look forward to seeing how the Snake makes her blossom. The Queen, hmm? Sounds like a Ventrue in-joke.

That will be, 'fun.'

That seems to be a word being brandied about for no reason other than to speak of some intangibles as pleasure. I know desire. I know jealousy. I know want. They are wrapped into a woman who I thought I had lost forever. A woman who dances at the edges of my thoughts even now when I pen my thoughts. Dancing, swirling and with a light within all her own that seems crowned by the Moon itself. She overwhelms me with things I thought long dead. A sort of happiness that does not seem like an echo of anything that I know. Nothing, with her feels like an echo.

I was overwhelmed. I sat in the bed, and I looked to the clock. Stared at it. Wondered.

My Echos have been comforting. Easy to bury. Easy to Eulogize. But they are resurrected now. I know not, how to rectify this with my thinking of now.

Sunday, the 30th day of October in the year 2005

I have and continue to make a living on lying.

I lie so often, that I wonder sometimes what is true and what is not true. How much do I believe now to be true is just the product of necessary lies, adjustments of the truth, thoughts put out into the wild? Where does the truth end and the lies begin? It has blurred over the ninety years. So near a century. Nearer to that then I would ever be towards my life. I float farther than that now, night after night. Month after month. Year after year.

I have come to grips with the fact that I am a liar.

It has made me appreciate the little kernels of truth that I find. Little lakes in the wilderness.

I suppose, truth is what one makes of it. The truth is in the blood. Maybe that's the only truth left, anymore. The only truth a person can count on.

Monday, the 24th day of October in the year 2005

I had a one-sided conversation with God last night. I berated him for his knowledge of where she was. For he must have known. I yelled at him in mind through his Nazarene son for keeping that knowledge from me. If he exists as the Lancea et Sanctum believe he does, then he has much to answer for.

I hate him.

He remained silent, stoic on his cross. Not at all forthcoming with the information that I sought. The answers to my questions. Why he took her from me. But she appeared beside me as though a dream. She sat beside me and all I could smell was the laundry detergent and the smell of crocuses. The morning dew.

I'm surprised Mitcherlich didn't know I liked the rain.

We walked from the Church and then ran in the rain. A rain that just materialized out of a dream, falling in a downpour. As though an answer to a prayer or some of my questions. Not in words but in actions. We ran through - she trying to run from me, and I trying to give chase. Is this the way of our relationship? That I will forever be running after her and she just a half-step ahead? Only when she allows me to, she lets me catch her - take her wrist and take a kiss from her.

Let the rain fall.